China
Trip Report 2007: Do not drive tiredly.
Handan - The Wedding
Day 6 Sunday Feb 11
The day. I woke up to the sound of someone coming into the condo at 6:30 am. Was it on? Was it called off? No one spoke English so we just assumed it was on and started to get ready. We got a call from Shennie around 8am and she confirmed that her father had relented and things were moving ahead. A quick cold shower - the hot water heater was not up to the task of all of the showers - and we dressed in our wedding clothes. The groom was given an embroidered red jacket to wear.
I should mention as well, that two photographers and a professional TV camera man arrived at 8:30 am to document the day’s proceedings. I was just getting out of the shower and totally not expecting this! My wife - still in her nightgown - freaked.
9:00 am (exactly!)
The groom left our home (albeit the uncle’s condo) to collect the bride from her parents’ home (the other condo). He took with him a red lace veil to cover her head and face, with money (supplied by us) tied to each corner. He also took with him two red packets of money (us again) – one to give to the bride when he goes to her home and another to give to her when he carries her to the car. He arrived at the bride’s home at exactly 10:00 am where bowing rituals were performed with the bride’s parents and photos are taken. We weren't there so we heard all of this after the fact. They played some 'hide and seek' game with the bride's shoes for the groom to solve. The groom then carried the bride in her wedding dress and red veil to the car.
By the way, all travels to and from both condos was preceded by the firing of thousands of firecrackers accompanied by cannon-like fireworks. My son just loved this part of it. As a matter of fact, he enjoyed the entire wedding – red jacket and all!
At 11:00 am (exactly!) the bride and groom arrived in a Mercedes Benz at the groom’s home where the groom carried her from the car to inside the condo’s door. This was a bit of a problem for our son as the condo was on the fifth floor and there were no elevators. They cheated. The unveiling takes place at the groom’s parents’ home.
After a flurry of picture taking, the bride and groom left in the Benz at 11:20 am, followed by a caravan of Audis carrying the various members of the wedding party. We were the second in line which gave us the vantage point of driving through the smoldering fireworks when we arrived at the hotel (more were set off there too). All of the vehicles were from the government pool arranged by the father. The hotel was government issue as well, and we suspected that because of his rank in the party, he could probably snap his fingers and this all became 'available' to him.
Although the wedding banquet itself was relatively modest, we felt like royalty as we were videotaped and cameras flashed at our every step. We were escorted to our places at the head table by the translators who sat with us and gave us instructions throughout the ceremonies.
The day. I woke up to the sound of someone coming into the condo at 6:30 am. Was it on? Was it called off? No one spoke English so we just assumed it was on and started to get ready. We got a call from Shennie around 8am and she confirmed that her father had relented and things were moving ahead. A quick cold shower - the hot water heater was not up to the task of all of the showers - and we dressed in our wedding clothes. The groom was given an embroidered red jacket to wear.
I should mention as well, that two photographers and a professional TV camera man arrived at 8:30 am to document the day’s proceedings. I was just getting out of the shower and totally not expecting this! My wife - still in her nightgown - freaked.
9:00 am (exactly!)
The groom left our home (albeit the uncle’s condo) to collect the bride from her parents’ home (the other condo). He took with him a red lace veil to cover her head and face, with money (supplied by us) tied to each corner. He also took with him two red packets of money (us again) – one to give to the bride when he goes to her home and another to give to her when he carries her to the car. He arrived at the bride’s home at exactly 10:00 am where bowing rituals were performed with the bride’s parents and photos are taken. We weren't there so we heard all of this after the fact. They played some 'hide and seek' game with the bride's shoes for the groom to solve. The groom then carried the bride in her wedding dress and red veil to the car.
By the way, all travels to and from both condos was preceded by the firing of thousands of firecrackers accompanied by cannon-like fireworks. My son just loved this part of it. As a matter of fact, he enjoyed the entire wedding – red jacket and all!
At 11:00 am (exactly!) the bride and groom arrived in a Mercedes Benz at the groom’s home where the groom carried her from the car to inside the condo’s door. This was a bit of a problem for our son as the condo was on the fifth floor and there were no elevators. They cheated. The unveiling takes place at the groom’s parents’ home.
After a flurry of picture taking, the bride and groom left in the Benz at 11:20 am, followed by a caravan of Audis carrying the various members of the wedding party. We were the second in line which gave us the vantage point of driving through the smoldering fireworks when we arrived at the hotel (more were set off there too). All of the vehicles were from the government pool arranged by the father. The hotel was government issue as well, and we suspected that because of his rank in the party, he could probably snap his fingers and this all became 'available' to him.
Although the wedding banquet itself was relatively modest, we felt like royalty as we were videotaped and cameras flashed at our every step. We were escorted to our places at the head table by the translators who sat with us and gave us instructions throughout the ceremonies.
The Marriage Ritual:
When the guests were settled (about 100 total), the marriage ritual began with the bride and groom walking together up the center aisle of the room at exactly 11:58 am to the wedding march. We were told that it was extremely important that the timing be correct!
The bride and groom walked directly to the stage. When asked to, the bride steps forward; then the groom steps forward. The wedding organizer introduced the couple to the guests (a bit of a their personal history but it was in Chinese so we don’t know what was said). There was one administrator who approved the marriage and another who delivered the blessing words. The couple exchanged wedding rings and the wedding organizer asked why they were giving each other rings. The bride and groom explained their individual meaning of the ring they were giving (in their own words). Then the bride and groom wound their arms around each other and their glasses of wine while spinning (slowly) in a circle. And with no spillage!
The bride and groom’s parents were then called to the stage and introduced. The groom’s parents sat on one side of the couple and the bride’s parents sat on the other.
The bride and groom recognized each other’s parents by bowing and calling them “Mama” and “Papba” individually. Each parent responds with a resounding “Eh” (meaning “yes”) very loudly and enthusiastically. I was very enthusiastic with my Ehs which brought a round of laughter from the guests. The planner asked each parent 3 times to egg them on for louder responses. After each acceptance as the new mom or dad, the groom’s parents each give a red packet of money to the bride (we were told what amounts these should contain) and the bride’s parents each give a red packet of money to the groom.
Each parent then made a speech, although this is optional as we were asked the night before whether we wished to do this. We decided on simple speeches as we realized that the English skills of our translator were truly lacking and god knows what our words would become when translated to Chinese. For safety, we read our speeches. Due to the presence of some Chinese gov't dignitaries, I made a point of praising 'The great People's Republic of China'.
The bride and groom then bowed to each other three times. The first time they touched heads, the second time they touched left and right cheeks and the third time they touched noses (left and right). They then toasted the guests and were joined by the parents for another toast.
The couple then left the room to change to traditional Chinese wedding clothes. This is when the meal started to roll out. The couple returned to the festivities & visited each table to welcome, thank and toast the guests. Then the bride's parents do the same, followed by the groom's parents. This is done in order of importance of the guests at each table (we had translators guide us through this process). Once back to the head table, the guests visit to congratulate and toast each set of parents.
Reputedly, the police chief of Beijing, the owner of a coal mine in Southern China, a governor and several other important government dignitaries were in attendance. We met them all but the language difference prevented any real mingling.
When the guests were settled (about 100 total), the marriage ritual began with the bride and groom walking together up the center aisle of the room at exactly 11:58 am to the wedding march. We were told that it was extremely important that the timing be correct!
The bride and groom walked directly to the stage. When asked to, the bride steps forward; then the groom steps forward. The wedding organizer introduced the couple to the guests (a bit of a their personal history but it was in Chinese so we don’t know what was said). There was one administrator who approved the marriage and another who delivered the blessing words. The couple exchanged wedding rings and the wedding organizer asked why they were giving each other rings. The bride and groom explained their individual meaning of the ring they were giving (in their own words). Then the bride and groom wound their arms around each other and their glasses of wine while spinning (slowly) in a circle. And with no spillage!
The bride and groom’s parents were then called to the stage and introduced. The groom’s parents sat on one side of the couple and the bride’s parents sat on the other.
The bride and groom recognized each other’s parents by bowing and calling them “Mama” and “Papba” individually. Each parent responds with a resounding “Eh” (meaning “yes”) very loudly and enthusiastically. I was very enthusiastic with my Ehs which brought a round of laughter from the guests. The planner asked each parent 3 times to egg them on for louder responses. After each acceptance as the new mom or dad, the groom’s parents each give a red packet of money to the bride (we were told what amounts these should contain) and the bride’s parents each give a red packet of money to the groom.
Each parent then made a speech, although this is optional as we were asked the night before whether we wished to do this. We decided on simple speeches as we realized that the English skills of our translator were truly lacking and god knows what our words would become when translated to Chinese. For safety, we read our speeches. Due to the presence of some Chinese gov't dignitaries, I made a point of praising 'The great People's Republic of China'.
The bride and groom then bowed to each other three times. The first time they touched heads, the second time they touched left and right cheeks and the third time they touched noses (left and right). They then toasted the guests and were joined by the parents for another toast.
The couple then left the room to change to traditional Chinese wedding clothes. This is when the meal started to roll out. The couple returned to the festivities & visited each table to welcome, thank and toast the guests. Then the bride's parents do the same, followed by the groom's parents. This is done in order of importance of the guests at each table (we had translators guide us through this process). Once back to the head table, the guests visit to congratulate and toast each set of parents.
Reputedly, the police chief of Beijing, the owner of a coal mine in Southern China, a governor and several other important government dignitaries were in attendance. We met them all but the language difference prevented any real mingling.
Then it was time to eat. Food was heaped on each table accompanied with wine or Moutai. More chit-chat ensued as we ate and then, before we knew it, everyone rapidly disappeared. It was a luncheon wedding and we were thankful that it ended without further ceremony. Not because we didn't enjoy it, but it was very stressful not being able to speak Chinese or understand the ritual. Whew! We survived.
Then the family returned to the groom’s home to rest (albeit only briefly though) & we all went out later for another big family dinner (including several aunts, cousins, etc.) I was uncomfortably seated next to Yuquan (the bride's father) again. While I wanted to give him a slap in the head and a piece of my mind, I was diplomatic and said all of the right things.
The Wedding night:
The newlyweds were much dismayed when they were told that we (the groom’s parents) would not be leaving the condo for the night. So later in the evening, they went out for entertainment to a karaoke bar with some of the bride’s cousins and friends. We don’t know when they arrived home as we were sound asleep. The cousin's were littered all over the condo in the morning, though.
For us, the entire experience was awesome and we would not have missed it for the world. It showed us how important family is to the Chinese and how much respect the younger generation has for the more senior members of the family.
Note: The jewelry we gave the bride - some Swarovski crystal thing - was worn with the Chinese wedding dress. I think I was to put it on her during the ceremony but she was wearing gobs of rental jewelry so there wasn’t any room. I understand that in some regions the presentation of jewelry and red money packets takes place during a family tea ceremony prior to the banquet.
Our Biggest Tip: TAKE LOTS OF US CASH as you’ll find that most of the time your Visa card will be useless.
Then the family returned to the groom’s home to rest (albeit only briefly though) & we all went out later for another big family dinner (including several aunts, cousins, etc.) I was uncomfortably seated next to Yuquan (the bride's father) again. While I wanted to give him a slap in the head and a piece of my mind, I was diplomatic and said all of the right things.
The Wedding night:
The newlyweds were much dismayed when they were told that we (the groom’s parents) would not be leaving the condo for the night. So later in the evening, they went out for entertainment to a karaoke bar with some of the bride’s cousins and friends. We don’t know when they arrived home as we were sound asleep. The cousin's were littered all over the condo in the morning, though.
For us, the entire experience was awesome and we would not have missed it for the world. It showed us how important family is to the Chinese and how much respect the younger generation has for the more senior members of the family.
Note: The jewelry we gave the bride - some Swarovski crystal thing - was worn with the Chinese wedding dress. I think I was to put it on her during the ceremony but she was wearing gobs of rental jewelry so there wasn’t any room. I understand that in some regions the presentation of jewelry and red money packets takes place during a family tea ceremony prior to the banquet.
Our Biggest Tip: TAKE LOTS OF US CASH as you’ll find that most of the time your Visa card will be useless.